Inspiration

"If it weren't for luck, I'd win every poker tournament." -Phil Hellmuth

Recently, I have been pretty angry. Angry to the point where I catch myself and have to slow things down until I see things in a better perspective. After watching the two movies on www.robustothemovie.com, I realize that I am not alone. The only other person I regularly talk to that plays online poker is Bill. Just being able to hear the testimonials from other players was a big relief. It's always easy to say that you need to disassociate yourself from the swings as well as beat after beat you take. When it keeps happening and there seems to be no end to it, that's where the resilient shine. It feels as if the past few days has taken away my resilient self. Instead of being optimistic, I feel an enormous amount of pressure to win everything I touch. I won't lie, I have done some strange lines of play where I know it was completely wrong. It's an awful feeling but I feel I can get away from it. I know what to do and try to apply it but I have been cracking more often than not. I realize what my leaks are and how to fix them...this is basically the test, albeit the 'final' test, I have to pass.

Online poker is a really lonely profession. You basically click a mouse and hope to reap profits daily, weekly, monthly, and/or yearly. For me, I try not to talk to any of the people I play in the SNGs. It reduces the amount of tilt that builds up as well as avoids me getting the temptation to degrade a player. The only thing I miss from a regular job is the daily interaction of people. I don't think I'm going to go crazy or turn into a hermit but I realize this profession is 100% seclusion from the outside world. That's why I am happy to have a really good support group that includes my wonderful gf Maria, my family, and my friends. Even if the people that are close to me don't agree with what I'm doing, I respect the fact that they don't give me shit every waking moment because I'm taking a huge risk overall. To this day, I hate losing. I ffffffffuckin hate it. I don't want to lose...it comes from me being super, super stubborn. I feel writing this blog will bring out all the hatred, anger, pessimism, and downright negative energy I have been spewing lately. I still feel that I live a very awesome life even though I see myself in greatness at all times.

I end this blog with one of the few positive things my father has said to me throughout my childhood. "Put your heart and your mind into everything you do. You will be successful if you can do this." Well, I definitely feel those words apply to my lifestyle now. I just hope I don't become what I loathe the most: a loser!

"Sippin saki on a Suzuki, we in Osaka Bay!" - Cam'ron